This week has been a blur. Viewing Greg's funeral pics, mourning him at night with hubby and then trying to be back in the real world all day for the kids, nightmares, regrets, memories, you name it, we have had it. Oh... add to that one sickness which has swept everyone in the family and has made its way to me now.
Tomorrow is Jenaya's 7th b-day and honestly? Nobody feels like doing anything for it but she will be disappointed if we do not. Mine is the day after and again, who cares this year. Not me although Derk and I had a Keg card and used that last week to go for a pre-birthday meal in Winnipeg. There was van repairs and other errands to be done as well, but we took time for our second annual pic taking on my b-day in Crescent Park. Something we started last summer when I was devastated over the betrayal of a friend. Long story there, but the pics helped and we decided it was something to continue.
A week from Sunday Kyla-Dawn turns 18 and then two more Sundays and then Joshua will be 16 so we have some very important milestone birthdays and no desire to celebrate them!
Today I am sick with this dumb bug, feverish, irritable (make that very irritable!!) and my feet are frozen for some reason. Dumb circulation issues I have. All the kids are sick, KD may be on the mend but is at work. In fact, I made her take the van over to get the new tie rod ends in and the tires balanced while she is at work cuz I felt so lousy and Derk said I had to do it. So she drove herself halfway to work anyhoo...
Michael has gone to Bigway for some chunky soup for me cuz that is what I am cravin.... hmmmm maybe its pregnant I am lol.
Derk should be calling on his lunch break soon. Feels like this day is in slow motion cuz all I am doing is lying around reading and talking about Greg to Josh who is normally my busy one but today is sick and laying around too! I hate it when BOTH of us get sick together!
This next few days, weeks, bring back memories of having my kids. Lots of memories lol.
Maybe one day i will get their birth stories on here.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
The Sun is Shining again!
Wow has it been a week both in our lives, and weather wise. Dark, angry clouds whipping by with threats of tornados everywhere you look, rain, rain and more rain, and cold enough for the kids to say it feel like fall not July!
Hard to believe Jenaya will be 7 on Saturday and a week from today, I will turn 42. Time has flown by so fast!
Today we are baptizing Levi, which is really exciting. Can't wait!
Last night was a bad one for Derk. He was thinking about his brother and everything last night but we got through it and although I am sure there will be many more times like that, we will get through them all too.
The past year has been full of adventures for our family. I am writing again and that means a lot to me. Sure does help with all the junk one has thrown at them in life that is for sure.
Well this one is short cuz I need to do tons around here to get ready for church.
Hard to believe Jenaya will be 7 on Saturday and a week from today, I will turn 42. Time has flown by so fast!
Today we are baptizing Levi, which is really exciting. Can't wait!
Last night was a bad one for Derk. He was thinking about his brother and everything last night but we got through it and although I am sure there will be many more times like that, we will get through them all too.
The past year has been full of adventures for our family. I am writing again and that means a lot to me. Sure does help with all the junk one has thrown at them in life that is for sure.
Well this one is short cuz I need to do tons around here to get ready for church.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Spillin' my guts
Today started around 2 am with the brightest whitest lightening you ever did see. It was flashing like someone taking a pic in your face and then the bright, white fork lightening that was interspersed with it, was thick and just hurtling down on the earth like you would not believe. Morris often gets violent summer storms and of course one of my fears is tornadoes since the night I was in the church in Regina in 1991 and my baby girl Kyla-Dawn was at my parents' place with my parents while we were recording music with our singing group at the church. That night the sky turned green and everyone began running down the aisles for the basement. I did too, but then turned around and went back to shut all the power off the recording equipment and my electronic piano because the lightening could mess it up. I got a huge shock doing that and then ran down the aisle to where Derk was waiting for me. Everyone else was down by the basement stairs or already gone but as I hit mid church, the entire building sucked in and it threw me on the floor. I was obviously terrified, got up and tried to run again and it happened the second time. By the time I got to the basement I was totally flipped out, had two skinned knees and it took forever to stop shaking. So that is why I do not like storms anymore!
Derk is at work today and seems to be doing better both in the work department and the grief department. It has been a long hard week around here. Surprisingly enough, times like this bring out my better side as far as wanting to accomplish things. Suddenly, I no longer procrastinate. I am writing in my blog, and journal again, as well as some other writing projects, plus I am actually working on my accounting again too.
We did not finish school in June as we school year round to make our regular days shorter and prevent boredom in the summer months sooooo I have been trying to get the kids back into it after our camp last week. Of course with the death in the family and the new job for Derk, life has not been nice to us this week and did I mention all the littles had colds, and 6 of the 8 kids had needles this week as well? Everything at once around here. Seems to be the way things go.
Well, Josh is making lunch for everybody and the rest of the kids are finishing chores while I switch from Canadian Accounting to Business Math (YUCK!!!) and then I will hopefully read from TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD as that is the book the boys are currently studying. Funny... I never read that book in highschool or even after it. It never appealed to me either till I had to read it aloud to the boys because in Sonlight curriculum that is what one does. Josh is reading now so well!!!! Amazing that you take a boy not reading well who hates books and switch his curriculum to one totally based on books and he thrives!!! GO FIGURE! He hates baby books though and so he is enjoying the REAL stories we are reading. Whatever works! I love this curriculum too. I am adding the girls in it this year.
Time to check on the mail which Michael just picked up from the post office for me, and then hit the math books again!
Derk is at work today and seems to be doing better both in the work department and the grief department. It has been a long hard week around here. Surprisingly enough, times like this bring out my better side as far as wanting to accomplish things. Suddenly, I no longer procrastinate. I am writing in my blog, and journal again, as well as some other writing projects, plus I am actually working on my accounting again too.
We did not finish school in June as we school year round to make our regular days shorter and prevent boredom in the summer months sooooo I have been trying to get the kids back into it after our camp last week. Of course with the death in the family and the new job for Derk, life has not been nice to us this week and did I mention all the littles had colds, and 6 of the 8 kids had needles this week as well? Everything at once around here. Seems to be the way things go.
Well, Josh is making lunch for everybody and the rest of the kids are finishing chores while I switch from Canadian Accounting to Business Math (YUCK!!!) and then I will hopefully read from TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD as that is the book the boys are currently studying. Funny... I never read that book in highschool or even after it. It never appealed to me either till I had to read it aloud to the boys because in Sonlight curriculum that is what one does. Josh is reading now so well!!!! Amazing that you take a boy not reading well who hates books and switch his curriculum to one totally based on books and he thrives!!! GO FIGURE! He hates baby books though and so he is enjoying the REAL stories we are reading. Whatever works! I love this curriculum too. I am adding the girls in it this year.
Time to check on the mail which Michael just picked up from the post office for me, and then hit the math books again!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
My Brother In Law is Dead!
I cannot believe the news although I felt it yesterday when Derwin's middle brother called that something was wrong. I was sure it ws his mom or her husband, but no it was his youngest brother Greg and he is dead! Just like that. Fine one night and the next he had hung himself! The grief in my husband's voice and actions scared me so badly. I finally got him to call a friend to talk for a bit and that helped some I guess but it was a rough night. Greg was my friend too and I guess we knew each other for half of our lives cuz we are the same age. It was hard telling our children and the youngest had never seen him cuz he lived in BC and we live in MB, but Kyla-Dawn especially would have remembered him and she always called him her favorite uncle although she did not know him well because he was always nice to her. Now.... he is gone leaving behind two little kids the ages of two of my younger ones. I am sick and numb and mad and you name it. Doesnt matter though does it? Nothing will change what is done. You just have to pick up th epieces and go from there and hope it does not hurt forever.
I guess I am kinda down today. Kyla-Dawn and Derwin are working so I do not know how they are doing, but I am extremely worried about my husband who is alone where he is and hates his job after only 3 days. It is back breaking work and while we knew it would be rough on him till he started getting used to it and losing some weight, he is in so much pain and fell twice yesterday, once down stairs on the outside of the building four stories high. Apparently they have had tons of explosions there lately and where he has to be shovelling that junk, they had one the day before he started! I am praying he stays safe and that this job will soon be done. I do think after a week or two, he will start realizing he is losing weight and is stronger. But until then? OHHHHHH boy! Poor guy.
Well, I have tons to do and wanted to have some school today too as we school year round remember? Once that is done, and chores then the kids can go outside or something and I can get to all my OTHER work.
I guess I am kinda down today. Kyla-Dawn and Derwin are working so I do not know how they are doing, but I am extremely worried about my husband who is alone where he is and hates his job after only 3 days. It is back breaking work and while we knew it would be rough on him till he started getting used to it and losing some weight, he is in so much pain and fell twice yesterday, once down stairs on the outside of the building four stories high. Apparently they have had tons of explosions there lately and where he has to be shovelling that junk, they had one the day before he started! I am praying he stays safe and that this job will soon be done. I do think after a week or two, he will start realizing he is losing weight and is stronger. But until then? OHHHHHH boy! Poor guy.
Well, I have tons to do and wanted to have some school today too as we school year round remember? Once that is done, and chores then the kids can go outside or something and I can get to all my OTHER work.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Day 3 and Hubby already detests his job!
Today hubby called me and he absolutely hates his new job. I feel bad for him, but God has him there for a reason and whatever that reason is, will be played out and he will be out of there. Until then, I guess we just endure whatever we have to because there is no other income without his job.
I am trying to stay in good spirits. The kids have needles this afternoon (all except Jenaya and Zachary) and so we will have to leave in a couple of hours for that. I typed out 20 missions today and divided them among the 5 oldest kids. So far, within an hour, I have received half of them back again done! Yes!!! They think it is a fun way to do their chores and this week is the Kitchen Zone on flylady so that is where most of them are taking place. Works for me!!!
I have managed to wash my mop of hair myself and it is drying slowly hanging down my back. Nice and cool though! Ember seems to be getting sick now like Zachary was on the weekend. Hopefully not the gasping part! That makes me think asthma like Derk and I both have.
Tonight, Josh is going driving in the city with his instructor. Kyla-Dawn is being trained to waitress instead of wash dishes at the local Chinese resturant and I imagine Michael will want to go hang out with Levi, so guess Derk and I are staying home for the evening. Good thing cuz the car is on E and we do not have a gas card from his job anymore either.
I am trying to keep on trusting God and believing that he has us in the palm of his hand. I know that whatever goes on in the next year, we will survive and come out happier and better off having followed God's leading in our lives. I realize the disappointments and discouragement will come again, and that somedays my posts will not be uplifting and more of a whine lol, but maybe when I come back and reread this one, it will remind me of God's promises and the wonderful friends he has put in our lives when we are discouraged.
I am trying to stay in good spirits. The kids have needles this afternoon (all except Jenaya and Zachary) and so we will have to leave in a couple of hours for that. I typed out 20 missions today and divided them among the 5 oldest kids. So far, within an hour, I have received half of them back again done! Yes!!! They think it is a fun way to do their chores and this week is the Kitchen Zone on flylady so that is where most of them are taking place. Works for me!!!
I have managed to wash my mop of hair myself and it is drying slowly hanging down my back. Nice and cool though! Ember seems to be getting sick now like Zachary was on the weekend. Hopefully not the gasping part! That makes me think asthma like Derk and I both have.
Tonight, Josh is going driving in the city with his instructor. Kyla-Dawn is being trained to waitress instead of wash dishes at the local Chinese resturant and I imagine Michael will want to go hang out with Levi, so guess Derk and I are staying home for the evening. Good thing cuz the car is on E and we do not have a gas card from his job anymore either.
I am trying to keep on trusting God and believing that he has us in the palm of his hand. I know that whatever goes on in the next year, we will survive and come out happier and better off having followed God's leading in our lives. I realize the disappointments and discouragement will come again, and that somedays my posts will not be uplifting and more of a whine lol, but maybe when I come back and reread this one, it will remind me of God's promises and the wonderful friends he has put in our lives when we are discouraged.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
More Random Thoughts
Well here we go again, another adventure as if we have not had enough in our lives! This time, hubby has a job he does not really like but I think it will be good for him weight-loss wise anyway. He was not so thrilled to hear that one lol. I just know that he is way to busy to lose the extra pounds put on over the years due to his sleep apnea and other things. Hopefully this will work. He said he felt like he had not had to work that hard in years and he has worked hard at his last job, so here goes right?
Me? Well, I have been struggling with some issues from my past. It is time to bring them into the forefront and deal with things so that is kind of scary. I also am dreading starting to work on this house again. It just seems like we get the last mess cleaned up and the room or rooms functional again then we need to work hard at something else. It is really hard too when you never have any time off to DO anything. Derk's old job never let him have any time off unless he had a replacement which we could not just find all the time. Last summer was awesome because our friend took the route for a week while we went to a bible camp in Alberta. We had not had a real vacation like that for 3 years. This summer, because of Derk having to change jobs, we took last week off between the two ending and beginning and went to our church camp here in town. Everyone else comes here, stays in motels with maid service, but we do not get that luxury or that expense because we live here. So the good and the bad points kind of cancel each other out!
Next year, Derk will get a regular vacation. He also will be paid for holidays off too! He was not paid for regular holidays off at the last job so this will help.
We are trying to decide next year and what we will do in other areas of our lives. I want to get this house finished so we can sell it and get a bigger home!
We school year round now, because we find it works better to keep the kids focused and disciplined. Not as hard in the summer months of course, but still some structure to prevent the MOMMMMMM I am BOORED thing from happening.
Lately I have so many things to do, but just feel like writing and writing some more. How come it is, you always want to do what you do not have time for? Derk has been begging me for years to take an hour a day at least and try but i always put it off. Maybe I will listen to him and start. After all, that was how I studied my Royal Conservatory piano and theory having gone back to lessons at 26!! Playing by ear since age 10 in church was great, but I wanted more. Now, I quit last year because of my arms again and some other issues, and was at grade 9 level. There are only 10 grades and it is too bad I had to stop, but I did not have the 4-5 hours of practice time needed per day to be good at it and I really do not use it outside of lessons anyway. It is classical and I love playing more southern gospel/blues music anyhoo.
Well.... we all slept in today except Derk who had to work and left me a cute little note telling me he loved me and to have a good day so I am going to try! hee hee.
I need to get these kids moving though or nothing will get done.
Me? Well, I have been struggling with some issues from my past. It is time to bring them into the forefront and deal with things so that is kind of scary. I also am dreading starting to work on this house again. It just seems like we get the last mess cleaned up and the room or rooms functional again then we need to work hard at something else. It is really hard too when you never have any time off to DO anything. Derk's old job never let him have any time off unless he had a replacement which we could not just find all the time. Last summer was awesome because our friend took the route for a week while we went to a bible camp in Alberta. We had not had a real vacation like that for 3 years. This summer, because of Derk having to change jobs, we took last week off between the two ending and beginning and went to our church camp here in town. Everyone else comes here, stays in motels with maid service, but we do not get that luxury or that expense because we live here. So the good and the bad points kind of cancel each other out!
Next year, Derk will get a regular vacation. He also will be paid for holidays off too! He was not paid for regular holidays off at the last job so this will help.
We are trying to decide next year and what we will do in other areas of our lives. I want to get this house finished so we can sell it and get a bigger home!
We school year round now, because we find it works better to keep the kids focused and disciplined. Not as hard in the summer months of course, but still some structure to prevent the MOMMMMMM I am BOORED thing from happening.
Lately I have so many things to do, but just feel like writing and writing some more. How come it is, you always want to do what you do not have time for? Derk has been begging me for years to take an hour a day at least and try but i always put it off. Maybe I will listen to him and start. After all, that was how I studied my Royal Conservatory piano and theory having gone back to lessons at 26!! Playing by ear since age 10 in church was great, but I wanted more. Now, I quit last year because of my arms again and some other issues, and was at grade 9 level. There are only 10 grades and it is too bad I had to stop, but I did not have the 4-5 hours of practice time needed per day to be good at it and I really do not use it outside of lessons anyway. It is classical and I love playing more southern gospel/blues music anyhoo.
Well.... we all slept in today except Derk who had to work and left me a cute little note telling me he loved me and to have a good day so I am going to try! hee hee.
I need to get these kids moving though or nothing will get done.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Random thoughts
Wow what an excellent week we had for camp. Sun sun sun and no rain in sight the entire week. Sure do wish it was that way this week! It is raining here today, inside as well as outside! Who knew our shingles have gone missing off our bathroom roof!!!!! Our house is a 13/4 story and the bathroom is called a loft according the the appraisal we had done. It is one of those things that sticks out the side of the house like an extra box added on afterwards. We have to step up to get into it as well which can be really annoying when you are 9 months pregnant and have just climbed all 16 stairs (no landing) to get there and find one more step to kill your back and knees. NO I am not pregnant! I was refering to Zachary although.... the rumor flying around camp was that I am hee hee. Ahhhhhh I love rumors. Actually, though, we are planning on more. Since I was healed of my disease (being allergic to hubbykins in layman's terms, pemphigis in med terminology.) after baby #3, we had to try again right? How else would I know if I was really healed or not? Well it worked, I am still alive, baby was fine and we tried again and well.... we now are letting the Lord plan our family size. Sorry if that offends your beliefs, I am not trying to make anybody who does not believe the same way as we do, feel bad, but we feel this way and it really has nothing to do with our religion, but our personal convictions.
Anyway, off the soap box for now and back to normal life which for today means, hubby is gone to his new job where he cannot receive personal calls. I am used to checking in on him all day long due to his life-threatening sleep apnea and so I am feeling quite alone and the whole day has been wierd. I know he is not looking forward to this job, but I am. The fear I felt on a daily basis for him being on the highways with his sleeping at the wheel and the accidents etc, is gone today and once I get used to not being able to talk to him as often, I will be just fine. I also prayed his next job would be more physical as his weight gain is caused by the sleep apnea and also by his desk jobs as graphic artist and IT Tech before the courier job that had him sitting and driving over 600 km per day.
So bins on the bathroom floor are catching the drips, one could take a shower while using the facilities if you took the soap with ya! GRRRR
Zachary is doing much better today after his cold that turned into what I think may have been an asthma attack. Having it myself, I did for him what I would do for myself if I did not want my meds and it helped him. I sure hope he does not have it though! He is not his usual sunny self though and has cried alot today. Poor little dude!
Ember had a wood tick on her yesterday. I was really proud of myself for not freaking out! Maybe I am finally getting over that fear too!
Joshua's garden is coming along and right now he is cooking a special supper for his dad's first day of work. Hard to believe he will be 16 next month!
Kyla-Dawn will be 18 on the 27th, Jenaya 7 on the 19th and I will be 42 on the 20th. How time flies!
The twins are ready for kindergarten now so the pre-school screening said. They call it HIGH school though and said they wanted it right then! Of course we homeschool, but I am not quite THAT ready to start schooling them too! I bet Zachary will learn right along with them because he is really smart and extremely mature for his age.
Michael wants me to teach him piano again. He took a bit with an outside teacher while I was pregnant with the twinners, but never showed any more interest. I guess it is time to get back in the saddle there too! He is 13 and still remembers what he learned way back then!
Larissa 10 is starting to mature somewhat if the other older ones are not around. Mostly, she is still a kid who wants to play play play.
Jenaya is mature and very blunt. She just comes out there with whatever she wants to tell you and woe unto you if it is not what you wanted to hear lol.
Derwin and I have been married almost 19 years! It is hard to believe it has been that long! Seems like yesterday in a way. I always told everyone if we made it to 10 we would stay married cuz of friends and family who did not make the 10 yr mark. Guess I was right eh?
Wow am I in a writing mood today! Must be the weather!!
This year at camp, there were a lot of emotional/spiritual changes in my life and although they are not finished yet, God has really been doing things with me, all for the better of course! I am hoping also with some of the kids.
Levi from our youth, received the holyghost too the last night of camp. That was really exciting!
I am still dreaming and praying for my HOUSE. The one I want and am claiming by faith. It is impossible to get that right now, unless God intervenes so we shall see. If it is the one for us, it will happen right?
Well time to get to work on my accounting course and see what the kids are up to again. Hopefully those rooms are finished being cleaned or there will be some pretty unhappy kids when they find out no outside later!!! OOOOOOH mom is being SOOOO mean hee hee.
Anyway, off the soap box for now and back to normal life which for today means, hubby is gone to his new job where he cannot receive personal calls. I am used to checking in on him all day long due to his life-threatening sleep apnea and so I am feeling quite alone and the whole day has been wierd. I know he is not looking forward to this job, but I am. The fear I felt on a daily basis for him being on the highways with his sleeping at the wheel and the accidents etc, is gone today and once I get used to not being able to talk to him as often, I will be just fine. I also prayed his next job would be more physical as his weight gain is caused by the sleep apnea and also by his desk jobs as graphic artist and IT Tech before the courier job that had him sitting and driving over 600 km per day.
So bins on the bathroom floor are catching the drips, one could take a shower while using the facilities if you took the soap with ya! GRRRR
Zachary is doing much better today after his cold that turned into what I think may have been an asthma attack. Having it myself, I did for him what I would do for myself if I did not want my meds and it helped him. I sure hope he does not have it though! He is not his usual sunny self though and has cried alot today. Poor little dude!
Ember had a wood tick on her yesterday. I was really proud of myself for not freaking out! Maybe I am finally getting over that fear too!
Joshua's garden is coming along and right now he is cooking a special supper for his dad's first day of work. Hard to believe he will be 16 next month!
Kyla-Dawn will be 18 on the 27th, Jenaya 7 on the 19th and I will be 42 on the 20th. How time flies!
The twins are ready for kindergarten now so the pre-school screening said. They call it HIGH school though and said they wanted it right then! Of course we homeschool, but I am not quite THAT ready to start schooling them too! I bet Zachary will learn right along with them because he is really smart and extremely mature for his age.
Michael wants me to teach him piano again. He took a bit with an outside teacher while I was pregnant with the twinners, but never showed any more interest. I guess it is time to get back in the saddle there too! He is 13 and still remembers what he learned way back then!
Larissa 10 is starting to mature somewhat if the other older ones are not around. Mostly, she is still a kid who wants to play play play.
Jenaya is mature and very blunt. She just comes out there with whatever she wants to tell you and woe unto you if it is not what you wanted to hear lol.
Derwin and I have been married almost 19 years! It is hard to believe it has been that long! Seems like yesterday in a way. I always told everyone if we made it to 10 we would stay married cuz of friends and family who did not make the 10 yr mark. Guess I was right eh?
Wow am I in a writing mood today! Must be the weather!!
This year at camp, there were a lot of emotional/spiritual changes in my life and although they are not finished yet, God has really been doing things with me, all for the better of course! I am hoping also with some of the kids.
Levi from our youth, received the holyghost too the last night of camp. That was really exciting!
I am still dreaming and praying for my HOUSE. The one I want and am claiming by faith. It is impossible to get that right now, unless God intervenes so we shall see. If it is the one for us, it will happen right?
Well time to get to work on my accounting course and see what the kids are up to again. Hopefully those rooms are finished being cleaned or there will be some pretty unhappy kids when they find out no outside later!!! OOOOOOH mom is being SOOOO mean hee hee.
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